GRIM: The InterTWINEd Episode 3: A GRIM Comedy for The Divine

//Deep within the realm of Purgatory, there is a place by the name of Valhallah. A place where lost souls accepted by neither Heaven nor Hell can gather to have one last drink before entering enternal paradise or damnation. Unbeknownst to most, Death himself often known as the Grim Reaper, comes to Valhallah to unwind from his never-ending task of examining each mortal soul and sending them to an afterlife. In this underworldly bar, the spectre of souls share a few drinks with a headless corpse by the name of Hank, and Wolfman named Wendell, and it is in this bar where the adventure begins// Grim://Enters bar// Hey assholes. Hank: Hey Grim. Wendell: Hey man. Grim: Jesus, who pissed in the voodka and club soda? The hell happend? Hank: Oh, What? No, it's just this really good book called [[The Divine Comedy]] it's quite the novel.

Grim: Hank, your undead, worse, a beheaded corpse with no eyes, what use are books to an undead headless guy like you? Hank: Ok ouch, I'm not blind, you know that. I use the the flame in my head-hole to illuminate objects to the extent where it mimics the sense of sight, dick move dude, kinda ableist. Grim: "Ableist"? Geez, Hank, When did you start spewing woke mortal bullshit? You might wanna use that firey head-hole of yours to burn the pages of that book, shits fucking you up man. Wendell: Actually for a mortal, this guy is pretty hardcore. Grim: So your drinking the kool-aid too, huh? Wendell: Hell yeah man! So there this guy Dante right? He goes through all the nine circles of Hell, and get this, he survives the entire thing! Grim: The hell? Hank: "Hells" pluarl, there are nine of them. Grim: Yeah no shit, I mean come on guys, a mortal man going through all nine circles of Hell? you guys are really buying this shit? Wendell: I know right? this dude is insane!! Hank: Haha! I KNOW! and there's mention some pretty cool [[characters]] too. Some of them we know!

Wendell: For real? Hank: Yeah! they've got [[Lucifer]], [[Charon]], [[Cerberus]], [[Geryon]]- Grim: What about me? Hank: Huh? Oh.... uhhhhhhm, you uh... Wendell: You're not really mentioned at all. Grim: The fuck? Hank: Yeahhhh see, Dante kinda "lives" through the whole thing, so y'know death isn't really a thing. I mean don't get me wrong, death is totally a thing for the billions of other souls mentioned, it's just not a thing for him. Grim: So you're telling me this motherfucker Duncan- Wendell: Dante. Grim: Whatever! You're telling me this motherfucker gets a free ride through Hell like its some sort of fucked up sweepstakes pass to an amusement park, and has the balls to not mention the guy who literaly sends people there?! Hank: Y'know its funny you make that analogy, you see, Charon actually- Grim: BULLSHIT! Thats bullshit and you guys know it! Hank: Grim, while I understand from a point of view that this seems insulting, and your feelings of anger are totally valid, but can we just apreciate the fact that a mortal man literally went through Hell to give one massive sociopolitical critique on the flaws of human nature in this masterpiece of a novel? Wendell: Yeah man, chill, we all make mistakes, it just so happens that yours gave us this badass book. Grim: Excuse me? What are you tryna say? Hank: Well, y'know since Dante didn't die and you aren't mentioned anywhere in the story, we kinda assumed you just missed Dante's soul on this one. Grim: The hell are you guys talking about?! I NEVER miss sending a piece-a-shit mortal to the afterlife! You guys think I can't do my job?! Hank: Nobody's saying that- Wendell: You are drunk half the time though... Grim: And you think that impeades me from doing my job?! Wendell: Well...yeah, that's kinda the point of being drunk. Grim: Fuck you! Hank: Hey Grim, it's okay dude, its fine, like Wendell said we all make mistakes. Grim: You guys aren't hearing me! But whatever! I'm out of here, If [[Dante]] thinks he can sidestep mortality he's got another thing coming.

Hank: it's weird that Satan is a bat in this book his lair is also frozen. //Don the Demon, self proclaimed "right-hand man" of Satan hears this and decieds to protest// Don: Haha! A "bat"? Seriously? What kinda drugs was this guy on? Lord Satan isn't some shitty excuse for a bird, He's the all powerful ruler of the nine hells and my personal lord and savior. Wendell: You say all that to yourself before you feel up his ballsack? Grim: GODDAMN! Jesus Don! I know you bathe in the hottest pits of hell, but not even you can withstand the heat of that burn bro! Don: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! IT WAS ONE TIME!!! ONE TIME!! Grim: Time of your life maybe. Don: I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU ONE DAY!!! Hank: Well he's right about one thing, he is the ruler of Hell. [[Charon]] is pretty interesting though.

Wendell: Like the boat guy? Hank: Yeah exactly! He takes Dante through the river Styx in Hell, he doesn't say much though, I wonder what happened to that guy? I never see him around much down here. Grim: Yeah, I put him out of a job. Hank: You what? Grim: Yeah, I mean why use a boat when I could just teleport souls to the afterlife with my scythe? Using a boat just seems kinda redundant. Wendell: Because Scenery? Grim: Oh yeah, sure, let me stop and smell the fucking roses as well as the sweet scent of burning flesh while escorting a withering soul to enteral damnation. Very insightful Wendell, Oh! oh! While I'm at it, let me feast my eye socketts on Hell's latest attractoin: "Over here we have a ton of worthless sinners floating down a molten river screaming in a casket, and to your left, watch as demons chase after mortals with the intent of shove flaming arrows up their-" Hank: Ok we get it! Speaking of modes of transportation there's [[Geryon]]

Wendell: He's such a good boi. Hank: The best boi Grim: Piece of shit. Hank: DONT TALK TRASH ABOUT CERBERUS LIKE THAT!! Grim: You are what you eat, in this case Cerberus is indeed a piece of shit. He might even be numerous pieces of shit, who knows. Hank: Do we know for a fact that Cerberus actually consumes human feces? Wendell: It could be flesh that's rotten to all hell, Hank: It's interesting to me that a poet as talented as Dante could write about such underworldly [[characters]] that we, residents of the underworld don't fully understand ourselves. The mortal mind, so imaginative they are willing to open doors regardless of whats on the other side. Grim: That's exactly what makes them dumbasses.

Wendell: Y'know I don't think Gary gets enough credit for what he does. Hank: Hey you're right, He spends so much time and energy carrying souls to their circle in Hell, but does anyone bother to thank him for his services? Wendell: Well it's probably because people spend so much time screaming in fear, they are stuck in Hell after all. Hank: Yeah, good point. I still think Gary deserves some more appreciation though, it can't be easy having the dammned souls screaming in your ears all the time, Grim: You guys can't seriously be empathizing with a monstrous creature from Hell. "Gary" doesn't care about how hard his task is, He's not some guy stuck in a 9-5 job slaving away teaching a class or paying taxes, he's a monster. Not everything down here has sentience, and not everything should, if everyone did, well, we'd just be Disney. Wendell: Don't you technically work a 9-5 job? Grim: Yeah, but do you see me getting paid for the shit I gotta put up with? Do you see people thanking me for keeping order and separating the mortal and underworldly realms? No! but do I care? Absolutely not! I don't do what I do for gratitude, if I did, I wouldn't get shit, I do it because who else is gonna pick up the slack of mortal scum? Geryon probably thinks the same way.//He takes a long swig of his beer// Hank: I....don't know how to respond to that, Wendell? Wendell: Nope. Hank: Welp...on to [[Cerberus]]!!!

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